Reality Checking an Anxious Thought

Worried Thoughts Can Feel Like Facts

Anxiety is very convincing. It hands you a thought (I am going to fail, they are upset with me, something bad is about to happen) and delivers it with the certainty of a fact. Reality checking is a way to slow down and treat that thought as a guess instead, one you can test.

It comes from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and I use it with clients often. The goal is not to talk yourself into positive thinking. It is to land somewhere realistic, which is usually calmer than where anxiety started.

How to Reality Check a Thought

It helps to write it down, on paper or in the app. Thoughts are slipperier when they stay in your head.

1. 1
   Situation: what is happening?

   Stick to the facts, the way a camera would record it.

2. 2
   Thoughts and beliefs: what are you telling yourself about it?

   Write the thought down in the words your mind is using.

3. 3
   Scale your worry from 0 to 10.

   How strong is it right now? There is no wrong number.

4. 4
   Check the evidence: what tells you this thought may be true?

   Be honest. Some worries have a grain of truth, and naming it helps.

5. 5
   What tells you it might not be true?

   Think about past experience, what you would tell a friend, and the facts the worry leaves out.

6. 6
   Realistic view: what is a balanced way to look at it?

   Not the best case or the worst case. The most likely case, and what you could do about it.

7. 7
   Scale your worry again.

   Now that you have looked at it, how strong is it?

An Example

Here is the example from my Reality Checking Grid worksheet.

Situation

I had to open several public doors.

Thoughts and beliefs

My hands are dirty, I will get sick.

Worry

7 out of 10

Evidence it may be true

Sometimes people do get sick from the spread of germs on surfaces.

Evidence it might not be

I have often touched doors and not gotten sick. I have a healthy immune system to fight germs.

Realistic view

Even if there are germs, my body can fight them. I can wash my hands before I eat dinner.

Worry again

4 out of 10

Notice that the worry did not go to zero, and it did not need to. A 4 is a worry you can live alongside while you get on with your day.

If the Number Does Not Move

Sometimes the worry stays at a 7, and that is useful to know too. Some thoughts need more than one look, or a conversation. A thought that keeps coming back no matter how much evidence you gather is often a sign of a deeper pattern, and it is worth bringing to therapy.

When Thoughts Keep Coming Back

Reality checking is a skill, and it gets easier with practice. If worried thoughts are taking up a lot of your day, therapy is a place to practice it with support and to look at where those thoughts come from. You can read more about how I work with anxiety.

I offer a free 15-minute consultation, in person in Palos Verdes or by video anywhere in California.

More Exercises

• 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding ExerciseThe 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise: name five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
• Breathing Exercises for AnxietyThe longer exhale (in for 4, out for 6) and box breathing, and when to use each.
• How to Timebox Your DayPlan the day in half-hour blocks, priorities first, with room for breaks.